Mommy of two here. Before I let you get any further, I just want to say that this blog is meant to be an outlet and a place where other moms can have a good laugh and maybe occasionally find some helpful tips, but mostly just laugh. Everything written is purely personal and subjective with a LOT of satire. It’s all meant to be in good fun and is often just my way of laughing at my own expectation of what motherhood would be like versus the current reality of it.
I’d like to start by giving you a little bit of an intro to myself. First and foremost, I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom. I remember being a teenager feeling too cool to be at Thanksgiving dinner with the extended family and going through the motions of answering all those annoying questions we inevitably get asked on holidays: like “Yes, Aunt Marcia I’m still single” and “No Uncle Fred my Dad is not hard at work keeping the boys away” (I wish). Another one I’d always get asked is “So, sweetie do you know what you want to be yet?”. Admittedly, the answer to this one changed a bit as I went from high school to college and then grad school, but the true answer remained steadfast—I wanted to be a mom. Don’t get me wrong, I’m naturally competitive and have always been extremely driven career-wise, but I’ve also always known that I would drop it all in a heartbeat to have kids. Being the Type A, over-achiever that I am, I had a ‘10-year plan’ for becoming a mom in no time. Soon enough I was taking cooking classes and learning to bake everything from red velvet cupcakes to a gluten-free, almond-based fruit tart…fruit tart to impress the future in-laws and cupcakes to beat out all the other moms at the bake sales (yes, I’m that girl). I’d been a straight-A student my whole life and I was determined to make motherhood the same. Now before you tell me that there is no such thing as grades when you’re a mom, please go to your school’s next PTA meeting and see if you leave feeling the same way. Spoiler alert: the judgment is REAL and you’ll experience flashbacks to the days where you had braces and were in that really cute stage of puberty where your face was covered in pimples but you didn’t have boobs yet.
Fast forward to the present. I’ve been blessed with two beautiful kids—a 6-year-old girl and a 2-year-old boy. I wouldn’t trade being a mom for anything and my family is hands-down the most fulfilling part of my life. But I don’t always bring red velvet cupcakes to the bake sale (this morning I brought store-bought ones…the horror, I know) and I’m lucky if I have a 10-hour plan on most days. So, to all the moms out there that manage to pack their kids a gluten-free, dairy-free, vegan, organic, local, farm fresh, blessed-with-holy-water lunch each day and leave the house in the morning with enough time to pick up that venti, half coconut/half soy, unsweetened, extra foam, sugar-free caramel latte from Starbucks before dropping the kids off at school—I truly salute you. But also low-key challenge you to a taste test to see if you can actually tell the difference between a half soy/half coconut milk and all soy milk latte.
So, cheers to laughing through this crazy journey together and thanks in advance for putting up with all of my rants and complaining—the hubby is very appreciative.